Torture Can Be a Pain
by whosaidwhat
Summary: Kakashi and Gai get captured by a deranged missing-nin, who wants to torture them for crucial information about the Leaf. But who's really getting interrogated?


Kakashi blinked his eye open. The normal one, the one that was actually his. As he was trained to do, the jonin quickly took in his surroundings. He seemed to be in some sort of cave or underground bunker. A single dusty bulb hanging in the ceiling provided the only light in the room. This light shone dully off of the assortment of nasty looking blades, hooks, and other tools of torture hanging from the walls. Those didn't bode well. The only exit seemed to be directly across from Kakashi, a set of stairs heading upward. He could feel that his hands and feet were bound, though not by metal or rope. Those would be easy for a shinobi of his talents to escape from. Instead, it seemed to be some kind of chakra infused rock. The pressure on the other half of his face told him that this same rock was covering his Sharingan eye, concealing it from the outside world, and preventing it from being used. Some kind of Earth-Style Jutsu? It must be. It was a shame he hadn't been able to copy it with his Sharingan, it seemed quite useful.

Glancing to his right, he was able to make out Gai, bound just as he was, shaking his head and coming awake.

"Argh, Eternal Rival, where are we?"

Kakashi grinned cheerily at him. "My oh my Gai. Did I just wake up before you did? What a travesty, the Leaf's Noble Blue Beast, caught sleeping on the job."

Gai immediately sat up straighter, bristling indignantly. "Kakashi! I was knocked out! This is in no way reflective of my abilities to awaken faster than you! Quick, let's go back to sleep, and I'll show you who is indeed the earlier riser."

"My, my, and now he wants to go back to sleep." Kakashi attempted to shake his head, quite difficult with half of it held in place by his stone prison. He thought he pulled off the effect though. "Who are you and what have you done with my _real_ eternal rival. You are obviously an imposter."

"Gaaah! Kakashi, as always you are the epitome of hip and cool. You know it is me, Maito Gai, and no one else!"

Kakashi frowned sadly, sagging in his restraints. Once again, difficult. The things he did to rile Gai up. Honestly. Someone might mistake it for love.

"I see what's happening here." He said loudly. "My captors have attempted a clever ruse to try and get information out of me, by placing me down here with an imposter of my eternal rival. Well it won't work on me! Hey! I demand you get down here and start torturing me like a real man!"

Kakashi relaxed again. That should do it. Gai was fuming and sputtering, straining to no avail against his restraints.

The sound of a door opening up above silenced the two veteran shinobi. Slowly, they watched as a figure came down the stairs and stepped into the light. He was a scarred, nasty looking young man. His long blonde hair was slicked back from his face, and his beady black eyes peaked out from under his headband, pulled low on his forehead. This bore the symbol of Stone, with a long scratch through the center marking him as a missing-nin. He leered at his captives, obviously thinking himself the picture of power and terror.

Kakashi yawned inwardly. He'd seen scarier. Hell, he'd been scarier. This wannabe couldn't intimidate him.

The man stepped forward. "To think that I, Kotou, missing-nin of the Stone, would be able to catch the Copy-nin and the Blue Beast of the Leaf, all by myself. I guess it's true, you Leaf shinobi are all too weak. You go on and on about your Will of Fire, but in the end…"

Kakashi tuned the man out as he continued on in his rant, touching on all the usual topics, listening with half an ear. His undying hatred of the Leaf, how they had lost their touch, how they were all cowards who would rather save each other than act as a real shinobi should. Kakashi didn't think it was particularly unique or interesting. However, he perked back up at the end of this speech.

"That's why I'll be torturing one of you, and making the other watch. I won't stop until one of you gives up the Leaf Village's barrier formula. And I'm going to have you two choose who will be getting tortured, and who will stay safe on the sidelines like a coward."

Huh. An interesting idea. It had the potential to sow dissension between two captives, isolating them and making them more susceptible to the torture.

Unfortunately for Kotou, that strategy would not work on this particular duo.

"We have to decide huh?" Kakashi glanced at his fellow captive. "How do you think we should we decide Gai?"

Gai frowned thoughtfully. "Well, Dear Rival, who has been tortured more recently? That seems like a good way of choosing."

"You're right, an excellent idea." Kakashi shut his unconcealed eye, deep in thought. "Wasn't it you? That time with the Grass ninja?"

Gai laughed heartily. "With the Grass ninja? Why, they hardly scratched me."

"They didn't try to scratch you, Gai. They stuck needles under your fingernails, then got annoyed that it wasn't working and tried to drown you."

"You see! Hardly a bother at all. Besides, what about Itachi's genjutsu? I have a hard time believing that someone as Brilliant and Knowledgeable as you would forget about that."

"Mah, well Gai, that _was_ just a genjutsu. It was all in my head, so I'm not sure it should count."

"What! Kakashi, what are you saying?! Didn't you say that it felt like you were in that illusion for three days! That you were tortured the entire time, unable to move or fight back! That sounds like a most Heinous and Vile torture to me!"

Kakashi sighed as Gai shouted and strained against the stone holding him down. "I'm just saying, it was all in my head. I don't think it should count."

"It absolutely counts!"

"Well then," Kakashi thought for a moment, "Ah, Lee!"

Gai looked around, excited. "My Beloved Pupil? Where? Has he come to rescue us?"

"No, no, Gai, I just remembered the Chunin Exams, when Lee got injured. That was a kind of mental torture for you right?"

"I suppose so, but I don't think that's really the kind of torture we're talking about here Kakashi."

"Nonsense Gai! You were even going to kill yourself at one point weren't you? That sounds pretty torturous to me, and it happened right around the time I fought Itachi. So we're tied again."

Gai started to tear up. "Of course, that was a Trying Time for me and my Beloved Lee. However, I'm sure I can think of something else that counts as torture, just give me a few moments."

Gai sniffled, manly tears still running down his face.

Kakashi could only sigh. It probably hadn't been a good idea, bringing the Lee debacle up. Time to change tactics. "Since we're really stretching the definition of torture at this point, why don't we try a new way of choosing who gets tortured?" Gai continued to sniffle. "We could make it a challenge."

That, of course, got Gai to perk up. "Oh, a challenge! Yes indeed Rival, I think that could work out very well."

"So whoever lasts longer without giving up any information is the winner?"

Gai gave one of his brightest smiles. Even in this dark cave, his teeth found a way to glint off a beam of light that seemed to follow him around wherever he went. "That sounds good to me, Rival!"

"Right, now that that's taken care of, how should we time it. Oh!" Kakashi turned toward Kotou, acknowledging his captor for the first time. "Do you think you could make a clone? That way, we could both get tortured at once, and it can be a real competition."

Kotou just stared at him, a vein in the center of his forehead, just above the headband, pulsed rapidly.

"Oh dear," Kakashi said, "we totally forgot to include you in the decision making. Sorry, it's just, when you've known each other as long as Gai and I have, it's easy to get carried away in your own little world."

Gai nodded vigorously. "Oh indeed. We are most sorry."

"Kotou was it?" Kakashi watched the missing-nin carefully. He was just about ready to explode. "Do you have any input on the manner and method of our torture that you would like to share?"

"Shut up!" Kotou finally forced the words out in a scream. He thrust his hands together to make a hand sign, and Kakashi immediately felt the stone binding his arms, legs, and head tighten and squeeze his flesh. For a few moments, the pain was excruciating, as though his head were going to explode, and his limbs shatter like dried branches. Then the pressure was relieved, the stone loosened. In fact, it was a little looser than it was before. Kakashi took the opportunity, and opened his Sharingan eye. It was still completely covered by the rock in front of it, but having it open was a good first step. Carefully, he began pooling chakra into it.

Kotou, meanwhile, had begun ranting. "You stupid Leaf scum! Are you mocking me? Me, your captor, who holds your lives in his hands? Me, who could snap your legs, gut you like a fish, suffocate you in rock on a whim? I will not stand for it! You should be terrified, not cracking jokes! I have you trapped here, under my power, and all you can do is sit there and bicker! I will have my revenge, and you two will give me the Leaf Village codes so I can take it!"

"Revenge did you say? I wonder who he could be taking revenge on in the village Gai."

"Indeed Rival. Of all the ninja in the village, I feel like it is you that people are most often trying to take revenge on."

Kakashi winced. Well, that was fair, he supposed, if a little harsh.

Kotou, meanwhile, was still close to throwing a fit. "The Yellow Flash, the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze killed my father, and I will have my revenge after all these years, so that my father may rest in peace, his honor restored."

"Well, this has all been a happy mistake then!" Kakashi closed his eye in a smile. "Minato is dead. I know, shocking news, especially since it happened 13 years ago, but now you know. Your vengeance is fulfilled, you can set us free and go on your merry way!"

Kotou gave Kakashi a dead-eyed grin, suddenly calm. "Namikaze may be dead, but I have heard that his legacy lives on."

There it was. "Oh? I haven't heard anything like that, have you Gai?"

"His legacy? As in the Will of Fire? Because that lives on strongly in every shinobi of the Leaf! But legacy like children? Nope, never heard of any!"

"Deny it all you want, Leaf bastards, I know that Naruto Uzumaki is the son of the Fourth Hokage! That four-eyed traitor told me so! And I will avenge my father by killing that man's son."

Kakashi blinked and glanced at Gai. "That should do it, don't you think Gai?"

Kakashi's rival nodded. Kakashi focused his Mangekyou Sharingan on the stone in front of his eye. "Kamui!" The stone disappeared, and Kotou looked toward him in shock.

And, inadvertently, looked directly into his Mangekyou Sharingan.

"You bastard!" Kotou cried, unsheathing his sword and swinging it in a deadly arc through the empty air to his right. Cursing and grunting, Kotou dodged, parried, and swung at an imaginary foe. Kakashi blinked his Sharingan shut and sighed, satisfied that Kotou was trapped in his genjutsu.

Kakashi glanced over at Gai. The taijutsu master's skin was darkening to red as he cycled through the gates, straining against his bonds. The stone creaked and groaned ominously, before suddenly giving with a crack like a thunderclap as Gai opened the Fifth Gate. Still radiating energy, he leapt across the room and delivered a swift chop to the back of Kotou's neck. Distracted by the genjutsu and unprepared for attack, Kotou was practically defenseless, and Gai's attack was ruthless. He was dead before he hit the floor.

Gai turned and walked back towards Kakashi. Still radiating energy, he reached out and crushed the rock around Kakashi's hands and feet. Kakashi could have escaped those too, using Kamui, but they both knew it was best not to overuse the eye.

"Mah, thanks Gai. Those were annoying!" Kakashi smiled through his mask.

Gai smiled brightly back at him, his skin returning to its normal color as he shut the Inner Gates. "No problem, my Rival! You are right, that was an impressive jutsu." He looked abashed, rubbing his head. "I am sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have given you a chance to copy it before killing him."

Kakashi waved his hand, walking over to the corpse and pulling out a storage seal. "That's ok Gai. We got what we wanted off him. It was time to end it."

Gai nodded, enormous eyebrows drawn together. "Kabuto?"

"Yes." Kakashi was a little surprised that Gai had remembered Orochimaru's white-haired assistant. It was true that Gai was smarter than he appeared, but he wasn't the best at remembering names.

"What was he trying to accomplish? Leaking such sensitive information to an Unyouthful shinobi such as this?"

Kakashi could only shrug. "He and Orochimaru could be trying to get rid of one of the Leaf's most dangerous weapons. Or he could be trying to mess with the Akatsuki's plans by destroying the prize they are searching for." Kakashi finished sealing the body, and tucked the scroll away into his pack. "Or he could just be doing it to sow chaos and confusion. Who knows with someone like Kabuto."

Gai frowned gravely. "Indeed, Rival."

Kakashi and Gai walked in silence up the stairs that Kotou had come down, revealing their prison to be in a hidden room under an empty shack in the middle of a large clearing in the woods. The dilapidated building looked to be on its last legs, it was a wonder it wasn't destroyed by Gai's struggles. It evidently had not been used by anyone for a long time before the missing-nin had found it. Nonetheless, there was a certain hominess to it. A well-made futon rested on the floor, and clothes peaked out of a closet door. Beside the futon, a young, blonde boy smiled at the pair from his photo, a father's hand laying protectively on his shoulder.

Gai left the house quickly and launched himself into the trees, landing on a branch before leaping to the next one. He was quiet. Kakashi jumped after him, quickly catching up. "Say, Gai. You know I really would have won that contest in there, right?"

Gai's caterpillar-eyebrows shot up, almost reaching the long bangs of his bowl cut. "Kakashi! How could you say that! I put up with the most physical pain each and every day as part of my training. If anyone would be equipped to handle torture, it would be me!"

"Mah, mah, Gai, you forget, I was part of ANBU. They put you through all sorts of tests and training in there. I may already know how to last during torture."

"Bah! You always use the ANBU card! Wait, that's it! When we get back to the Leaf, we can ask Ibiki to help us test it! This will be great!"

"Hmm, did you say something Gai?"

"Kakashi!"


End file.
